


Sugar Rush

by akgerhardt



Series: In Which Dirk Discovers He Likes Vore [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Foodplay(?) idk they taste like candy, Gen, Giant/Tiny, Soft/Safe/Nonfatal/Willing Vore, Stomach Kink, Trickster Mode, We’re all trash here, but I would literally die if Andrew Homestuck knew that I disrespected him in this way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-10-09 08:38:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17403659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akgerhardt/pseuds/akgerhardt
Summary: Local man vores entire party to save the world; more at 8.





	1. Chapter 1

**gustyGumshoe [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]**  

> **GG: Dirk!**
> 
> **GG: Dirk, where are you?**
> 
> **GG: Listen, I know you're not one for parties, but… Oh, dagnabit. I'm running out of time!**
> 
> **TT: If you're trying to avoid stern fatherly disapproval, you can spend the night with us. I'll come get you.**
> 
> **GG: No, no! Calliope brought the juju. You know, _the_ juju. That awful thing that got us higher than kites. **
> 
> **TT: Son of a fuck.**
> 
> **GG: After the wedding, I thought she would have realized that humans and cherub magic don't mix, but apparently not! I politely sent her and her cursed lollipop home, but it was too late. It’s spreading like syphilis- they got Roxy and Jake already and, as soon as they find me, I'll be down for the count.**
> 
> **GG: Please help us, Dirk. Do whatever you need to, just keep it contained and isolated until the crash. The whole city could go up in blazes at this point!!!**
> 
> **TT: I'm on my way. Turn your location on so I can track you.**
> 
> **GG: Ok…**
> 
> **GG: How much longer do you think you'll be?**
> 
> **TT: Sorry; couldn't text and hoverboard. I'm at the door now.**
> 
> **TT: Jane?**
> 
> **TT: Jane, it looks like a mini tornado whipped through and took everyone with it. The hell?**
> 
> **TT: … Right, you left. In hindsight, I should've kept an eye on your coordinates.**
> 
> **TT: I'm going to stop talking to myself before it gets any weirder.**

He checks the map, a nervous feeling building in the pit of his stomach. Of all the places they could have chosen…

He flies as fast as physically possible, muttering a mantra of expletives. Once he arrives, he can smell them before he sees them. It’s like a goddamn candy store.

After checking for any signs of colorful hooligans outside, he enters the passcode to Roxy and Jade’s lab, then initiates a lockdown that only a sober person with the appropriate credentials could nullify. He really fucking hopes they're all in here, because even one loose is too many.

He goes stealth, following the unnerving giggles down the still-dark halls. He thinks this would make a pretty good horror game.

The one room he really didn't want them to touch is, of course, the only one lit. Cautiously, he peers through the threshold and sees nothing.

He sighs and turns the corner, walking in without anymore fanfare.

      “Alright, you fuckers; come on out.”

“Dirk!!! Boy howdy, this is GRAND! The gang's all here!!!”

      “Hey to you too. You didn't happen to show everyone the space machine, did you?”

                        “You bet your plush rump he did, and it's fuckin’ SWEET!”

He squints and finally detects the sources of the sounds surrounding him. They’re on the ceiling fan, in beakers, playing with equipment and hazardous materials, swinging from wires, basically doing everything that should not be done in a lab. He thinks he's going to have a panic attack or an aneurysm, or maybe both, but he's trying really hard to address this situation apathetically.

                 “LOOK! It's Dirk!!!”

            “Diiiiiiiirk!!!!!!”

He has barely enough time to look up before being smacked lightly on the face by the forms of his female friends, one hugging each cheek. He transforms instantaneously. Well, there goes any chance of getting out of this without a hangover.

                                “Haha, wow!!! He's so TALL! That's one huge asshole!”

                        “No no, remember? We got _our_ assholes shrunk-ified.”

      “Jesus Christ.”

                                "Well, shit, I say he should carry the explosives!"

                        "Yeah, man, give us a hand? We gotta lotta bangin' to do!"

                                          "Gun pile, coming through!!!" 

He ducks as a dozen or so rifles and pistols float over his head, then proceeds to douse the growing chemical fire.

"I call dibs on Old Glory number one and two! Do we shrink them or resize ourselves?!"

                                                  "Heyyy, pro-tip: the blue stuff makes you hear colors..." 

                                                        "Ooh, I wanna hear colors! Lemme try!!!"

                                         "Dirk, I'm gonna stick myself in this bazooka, and I want you to shoot it from the window! I'll be the first human bullet!!!"

                                                       "Me next!!!"

      "Just a sec."

He swiftly confiscates the hazardous materials and hides them while they're preoccupied with Jade. Roxy is still following him around.

            “Psst, Dirk! If we went to the ectobio room rn, wouldja vore our babies?”

                 "Did someone say BABIES?!" 

      "Not this shit again..."

             "Ya know, for science! We're doin' so much science up in this bitch-”

                       "Hey Karkat, wanna make some babies~?"

                              "Hehehehehehe, _yes_."

“Dirk, Dirk. Diiiiiiirk.”

      “Jake.”

“You gotta… You gotta vore!”

      “And why is that?”

“Because of the babies, Dirk! You must protect them.”

      “You know you're not making any sense, right?”

“It’s… your DESTINY!” he giggle-snorts, swinging from his bow tie.

On the plus side, he doesn’t have to endure normal-sized trickster shouts. The longer he stays still, the more people land on him.

           “Hoppy shiz, this is totes a real Crush can full’a REAL ORANGE SODA. I wanna fuckin’ swim in it.”

                  “Ooh, I second that notion!!!”

                                                                      “Thirded!”

                                                                               “Fourth-ded!”

                        “Hell YEAH!!!”

      “You’re messing up my hair.”

             “So-da pool! So-da pool!”

Several others join in the chant, and he relents, detaching it with another deep sigh. He pops open the tab and takes a sip. Yeah, that's the good shit. Thanks, giant alien snakes.

      “So, tell me: Exactly how many tiny assholes are running around here? For the pool party.”

                        “You’re gonna have to use math, dude!”

             “Duhhh. He obvs meant ‘cause we're all over the place. Ahem. CANDY ORGY, FRONT AND CENTER!!!!!”

He would have preferred if she didn't use those exact words to summon them or his head as the platform to do so, but it works. He realizes that another soda can has spawned atop his head, and takes it off, as well. He guesses things could be worse; maybe he’ll get a whole free case out of the ordeal.

      “Are we sure this is everyone?”

There is consensus among the small crowd. He counts eighteen, then takes another sip.

                                      “C’mon, save some for us!!!”

      “Don’t worry; it’s all for you.”

…

He distracts himself from the fact that he just outed himself by drinking the rest of the can.

             “... Waidaminute. Are you for really reals?!”

      “Yep. Extending an open invitation. Just, uh, poof two miniature transportalizers into existence? I need to figure out the logistics of this…”

                                                “That’s not necessary! I’ll just magic everyone out!!!”

He’s not looking forward to Jade’s inevitable realization of his secret hobby, but, then again, she most likely knew from the start.

                        “Yo, not to derail the hype train, but could you clue a bro in on what the FUCK kinda plan’s bein’ set into motion?”

                                                “The party's in his tummy!"

             “It’s a vorgy!!!”

      “It’s not a vorgy. There are criteria to enter, and if you don’t meet all of them, I assure you that we’ll find an equally entertaining activity. Now, rule number one: what happens in here stays in here. Two: you have to be at least eighteen. Three: absolutely no nudity or singing, and no jerkin’ it, for fuck’s sake. Don't try anything funny- I have surveillance equipment, and I won't hesitate to end the whole damn thing. Four: leave all weapons, shoes, and valuables at the door. Five: think real long and hard about whether your sober self would be comfortable with this in a judgement and ramification-free environment. I don’t want anyone having post-meal regrets, should you even remember tonight. We clear?”

There’s unanimous, overly-enthusiastic agreement and bobble-head nodding. He glances each person over warily. He’s never even met some of them until now, but whatever, right? It’s for their own good.

He quickly mixes together a vorelixer before they can get distracted and fly off again. Removing one of the many bottles of Nyquil from his sylladex, he adds a serving, hoping it will balance out their hyperness enough to prevent a stomachache. He chugs the mixture, then sits across from them on the floor, wiping his mouth with a hiccup.

      “Right, ok. Let’s do this. Who wants to go first? … Everyone, cool; I don’t know what I expected. Maybe form a line? … You know what? I’ll just pick.”

He reaches forward and is assailed by Jake, who tries to pry open his mouth.

      “Holy shit, dude. Be patie-nnf.”

Jake, of course, is already sitting on his tongue, practically vibrating with excitement as he waits. He tastes like lime and cherry, and Dirk caves, closing his lips and rolling him around with his tongue playfully before stopping himself. God, he feels like an exhibitionist. He refuses to get turned on, at least not until he has some goddamn privacy again. They’re pros at this by now, and it takes everything in his power not to express his enjoyment as he savors his sweetness, swallowing him down much sooner than he wanted to because of the eager crowd waiting. Jake drops in with a splash and gets comfy, wiggling around. He stifles a laugh, clearing his throat. 

Jane is next. He triple-checks that she is sincere in her desire, then lets her climb in from his palm. He stays perfectly still but fails not to salivate over her strawberry-lemonade taste.

Roxy’s cotton-candy and bubble gum, which isn’t a surprise. Dave is watermelon (but he really doesn’t want to think about the fact that he’s voring his sugar-high ectobrother), Karkat is candy apple, Meenah’s pixie sticks, Aradia is cinnamon, Rose is citrus-lavender, John is blue raspberry, the Maryams are chocolate mint... There are way too many different flavors after that, like he up and tried a bunch of random jellybeans. The trolls have hints of candy corn, but the only revolting combination was Cronus, who, after a sniff of his grape liquorice, was placed under an upturned gardening pot. To be fair, the dude was way too into it.

While they waited for their turns, most of them had flocked to his belly and kept themselves occupied with trying to communicate and feel from the outside. Tiny ears pressed against his shirt as they poked and pushed gently, yelling in an attempt to be heard over the din. Dirk can't fathom why they're all so excited about this, but he's successful in masking his flustered amusement whenever the ones inside make themselves palpable. 

He washes the last one down with yet another sip of Crush. Having grown up on soda, he’s sort of a master at not audibly burping from it, which was a dealbreaker for this whole shebang- he does have some dignity. They’re sloshing the bubbly liquid around and making his already-noisy tummy louder, and the way they’re rubbing and pushing against his walls in all directions at random is a new sensation for him, bordering on ticklish. The visible movements mimicking mpreg do not aid said sense of dignity, and he’s tempted to just sleep right there, on the floor. He rests a hand on his slightly bulging stomach and closes his eyes, feeling overly full but good.

Eventually, the raving, rainbow-glowing butterflies quiet down, tired out and lulled into a sense of calm from the steady rhythms of his body. They're totally fucking snuggling in there like a puppy pile, an image more tooth-rotting than the ordeal itself. Once he's sure they're all asleep, he hauls himself up in a smooth motion, cradling his middle as he walks to avoid jostling and rousing them. He kicks back on the couch in the neighboring room, and then he’s out like a light.

* * *

                              “God… what in the everloving fuck-”

                  “Good morning, sunshine! Breakfast is in the kitchen.”

Roxy was the first to rise and got Jade to zap everyone out in a clean pile on the floor and turn them back to normal size before they awoke, which gave Dirk quite a start. He decided to feign unconscious as Jane finished curing everyone’s migraine, not wanting to acknowledge what went down the night before.

            “It was the druggies, KK. We were mad trippin’.”

                              “... Yeah, ok.”

                                                     "- Wvorst party in all a history. There I was, lookin' like a snacc as per usual, but nothin'! I mean, come ON! I'm starvwin' for some action, and wvho _wvouldn't_ wvanna piece a this?! ... Mm, blueberry."

Roxy returns once everyone else has left for food and wraps her arms around his middle, nuzzling him. He pets her hair, helping himself to the muffin on her plate.

“Ah, there’s our hero! You sure can stomach a lot of malarkey, heheh.”

            “Sometimes ya just havta swallow yer pride and go with yer gut, amiright?”

He groans at the puns, failing to hide a smile. 

Jane finally approaches him, and Roxy detaches. She heals him with a smooch on his forehead. 

                  “Thank you,” she whispers.

      “How bad was it?” 

                  “It... wasn’t terrible,” she giggles nervously.

...

            "He's gotta bad case a the rumblies. Was totes gonna suffer and not ask for help."

      "I... kinda pushed my limits, but it'll recalibrate with-"

She replaces his hand with hers, lightly feeling everything out before addressing his tummy troubles in her intuitive way. He sighs blissfully. Upon realizing there's more to remedy, she gets him to lay back on the couch and examines him properly.

                  "... The soda's still in there? How is that possible?"

      "The concoction won't wear off for a couple more hours... That's not the problem; I don’t know what is."

"But why are you eating on top of it?! Take it easy, man..."

      "You try being maxed out and then suddenly three-fourths empty."

"No offense intended, but I can’t comprehend your lifestyle and have no desire to. My point is: what if that's making it worse?"

He makes an indifferent noise, gulping down another mouthful before the previous one can even reach the gurgling mess. 

                  "At the very least, it's interfering with my observations."

      "You're interfering with my breakfast... Seriously, you all care too much- the concern is appreciated but unnecessary. Bordering on fetish, imo."

"Oh, that's rich, Sir Vores-A-Lot! We're going to have you right as rain, just-"

                  "Hush already! Let me focus." 

      "Fine..."

Jake smooches him, confiscating his muffin in the process. 

She waits for it to settle down before pressing an ear to it while tapping and prodding around. After several minutes, she gently digs a fingertip deep below his navel, wiggling it. He tenses, biting back a whine.

                  "There’s a foreign object lodged in the small intestine."

Roxy turns on her viewer wordlessly, lining it up with the spot. Jake attempts to comfort him.

                  "Congratulations! It's a fancy Santa."

      "... How in the fuck-" 

            "Sorry, Di-Stri. I think you’re the only person who uses 'em as weapons... Can I-"

      "Please."

Jane holds the viewer while she carefully retrieves it, phasing her hand back out with a grimace like one might unclog a drain.

            "... Imma pitch this thing, since, ya know."

                  "All better?"

      "Y- Yeah. I take it back; thanks, guys.

      ... So, if there are no other lost artifacts in me, I'm gonna go ahead and refuel the tank."

They return to help clean up the lab, since the majority already departed to fix the damage at whoever’s house they ransacked. 

      “Callie knows we’re not pissed at her, right? Like, she meant well...”

                  “Yes, we came to an understanding. She locked it back up in her chest.”

He nods, relieved.

...

                        “Hey, can I steal you for a sec?”

They go back into the kitchen and stand in awkward silence for a moment, avoiding eye contact.

                        “... Did you-”

      “I did, and I’m down to erase it from everyone’s mind, including my own, should the opportunity present itself. I’m sorry, Dave.”

                        “Oh, no, it’s chill. Karkat and I were just afraid we hallucinated the whole thing since no one's talking about it. Guessin’ they’re in the same boat.”

      “Are you sure you’re not even slightly traumatized?”

                        “Nah, we’re good. I wouldn’t opt to get all up in your face again for anything non-life-threatening, but imma hit up Jade later about joining the fun-sized adventure squad... Also, I think Karkat is experiencing an awakening, if you catch my drift.”

      “That’s, uh. That’s great... If you want, I can leave an AJ vorelixer with instructions in the fridge.”

                        “Aw, hell yes. Abso-fucking-lutely.”

The next uncomfortable conversation is with Jade.

      “... About-”

                                              “It’s ok; I figured you guys had ulterior motives.”

      “I swear to troll Jesus that it wasn’t sexual with the group... Still, sorry.”

                                              “You’re fine, ya big dummy! I said the same thing to Jake: just keep collecting data during field research and exclude me from your kinky exploits.”

      “Right, will do.” 

                                             "... But a Journey to the Center of the Dirk _would_ provide some cool "insights" for physiology! I didn't want to bring it up because he was dying of embarrassment- maybe you can? With the right equipment for spelunking-"

      "We actually did that already just for the hell of it. And, uh, Roxy further misused her powers by phasing into other organs. It felt really fucking weird... Thanks to them, I know more about my body than I ever wanted to. I can send the phone pics along with everything else, but they're mostly selfies and staged memes."

                                          "I think I'll pass, hehe. If I find anything interesting to share with Jane's colleagues, I have to keep anonymity and not explain the nitty gritty of it. Don't worry; your secret's safe with me!"

      "That's much appreciated."

                                          "Most importantly, we can't let the world know vore is real! Especially those weirdos on the internet, ugh..."

* * *

They head back to their respective living quarters, and Dirk stretches before flopping down atop the bed, joined shortly after by Jake. He makes a content noise as he receives rubs.

“You likely don’t want to discuss the matter any further, but I feel obligated to tell you that your stomach is blue in trickster mode, and that knowledge alone gives me a belligerent erection.”

He snorts, bopping him with a pillow.


	2. Chapter 2




End file.
